Tony's head, Ziva's heart
by VessieD
Summary: Tony and Ziva were in the crash. This fanfic maps what happens within few hours from the accident. We're get to see what happens in Tony's head. And what his first words will be after he wakes up. This is my 1st fanfic here, so I would be delighted if you let me know how/if you liked it. Thank you! Update: I added a chapter from Ziva's POV.
1. Tony' head

_**DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of the characters or anything else concerning NCIS.**_

_**This is purely for fun.**_

_**I am sorry if there are any mistakes, I am not a native speaker, so forgive me. Enjoy!**_

* * *

His whole body was in pain, he tasted blood in his mouth and he felt like the car crashed every bone in his body. Yet there was one thing that mattered more than that.

_Ziva.  
_

He wanted to call her name, but he couldn't make a sound. He tried to turn his head a bit and he caught a glimpse of Ziva's motionless hand.

_Ziva._

Though the pain had most of his attention, he started panicking. She can't be dead. It's Ziva.

Before the pain made him lose consciousness, he managed to move his hand, trying to reach for hers.

**...**

When Gibbs got the call, he was about to leave the office. He rushed down to Morgue to tell Ducky. He took the stairs.

"Tony and Ziva were in a car crash. The driver that crash into them is dead. I want you to do the autopsy."

"Oh, dear Lord... Tony and Ziva... Are they all right?"

"When the police called, they were. I need to go to the hospital, Duck. They'll get you the body."

"Of course, the body. You can rely on me with that Jethro. Is there anything else I can do?"

"Watch out for yourself, Duck. Someone's targeting our people," Gibbs said and almost ran out of the morgue. As he was going up the stairs, he dialed Tim's number.

"McGee, I need you back here. I have two cars that were in a car crash."

McGee yawned. "Isn't that Abby's job?"

"Abby can't do that, she's going with me. When you're done with the cars, talk to Ducky and call me."

Abby was still in her lab, waiting for Tony, who promised to stop by.

"We have a case?"

"Not really."

"Then is this a friendly visit?" she smiled at him.

"Not really. I need you to go with me."

"Where?"

"I'll explain it on the way."

**...**

He knew Abby doesn't take these things well, but he didn't blame her for that now. Actually, he never blamed her. But in this case, who could take it well?

She was still crying when they get to the hospital.

"I'm special agent Gibbs, NCIS. Two of your agents were brought here about an hour ago. Car crash."

When he said those two words, Abby sobbed aloud.

The nurse called a doctor who was in charge of the ward.

"Are they going to be okay?" Abby asked him when he came.

He looked in the file he was holding. "Miss David was quite lucky, she has a minor concussion, some scratches and bruises."

Gibbs closed his eyes in relief, but then he opened then with a question. "And DiNozzo?"

"Mr DiNozzo is still in surgery. I'm afraid I can't tell you more at this moment."

"But he will make it, right?" Abby cried.

"Our surgeons are doing their best, miss."

"Can we see Ziva?" It seemes like he wasn't even listening to the doctor. She was looking at Gibbs, hoping he would say something to make her feel better.

"Well, usually, we don't let anyone in the first few hours, but in this case, I guess we can make an exception," the doctor said and he took them to the room 107.

**...**

Ziva was lying on the bed, looking out the window, with tears silently falling from her eyes.

When the door opened, she wiped them.

"Ziva!" Abby cried, ran to the bed and wanted to hug her, but didn't do it.

"Can I hug you?" she asked, looking at all the bruises on Ziva's face and hands.

"You can always hug me, Abby."

Abby squeezed Ziva in her arms. "I am so glad you're okay."

When she let Ziva take a breath, before she hugged her again, Gibbs squeezed Ziva's hand and smiled.

"We all are glad you're okay."

"The doctor said you were lucky," Abby mumbled in her shoulder.

"I was not. Tony saved my life. He protected me from the worst impact."

"That's our Tony." Abby started sobbing again.

"How is he?" Ziva asked. "They did not want to tell me anything."

"He's still in surgery," Gibbs replied. "Can we get you something?"

"No, thank you," she said with tears in her eyes again.

**...**

_Ziva._

The pain subsided. He still couldn't move, but his brain worked properly again. Tony opened his eyes.

He was lying in bed in a hospital room. There were flowers on the table in front of the window, and it was a beautiful day outside.

"You look like hell, DiNozzo." He knew that voice. He turned his head and saw Mike Franks sitting down on the chair next to the bed.

"Hi, Mike. Aren't you dead?"

"Yep. Thanks for reminding me."

"Am I dead?"

"Do you want to be dead?"

"Well, I could meet Elvis," he shrugged, or at least tried to do it. "Is this in my head?"

"DiNozzo, I'm dead."

"Okay. So why are you here?"

"I wish I knew. You summoned me."

"Why would I do that?"

Mike laughed. "Maybe you want a piece of advice from someone more experienced. What was the last thing on your mind before you passed out?"

Tony didn't have to think twice. "Ziva."

"There you go."

"You're not Ziva."

"Well spotted. But I was your boss' boss. Maybe you wanted to talk to me about Gibbs."

"Wow, my head is complicated."

"You're standing on the crossroads. And you have to choose a way."

"Oh, rule number twelve."

"Screw number twelve, that's not important. This is not about dating a co-worker, DiNozzo."

"What are my options, then?"

"Your life with Ziva, or your life without Ziva. Both could be good. But you can't have both."

"This has been going on for too long," Tony sighed. "Eight years."

"You have to make a move, now. Make a decision."

"I love her, Mike. She's the one."

"There you go," Mike stood up.

"Wait, but that's not it. What about my job, and Gibbs, and all of that... I love my job."

"You love it more than you love her?"

"No."

"You know, Gibbs is not an idiot. He knows you're head over heels for her. But he's waiting for your decision."

"So he can backslap me and fire me if I choose her."

"Don't forget he was once where you are now."

"With Jenny?"

"He made a decision."

"He let her go. And he regrets it now."

"Maybe, maybe not. The point is, he understands. I'm not saying things won't change once you and Ziva make it official, but... The changes won't be all bad."

"I like the way it is now."

"Can you live like that for the next eight years?"

"No."

"At some point, you will have to take responsibility and move on. You can't work for Gibbs forever. And you have to admit you're not so young anymore. You're getting old. And you're alone."

"Why does it have to be so hard?"

"That's life, boy. It sucks and it hurts, but we have to make the best of it." Mike walked to the door. Before he left the room, he turned around and looked at Tony again.

"Good luck, kid. Make your choice carefully. You want advice? Do what's best for yourself. It's your life and it's you and only you that will have to live with the consequences of your decisions."

And he was gone.

**...**

He didn't have the chance to process his thoughts when the door opened again. This time it was Jenny who entered the room and sat on the chair.

"How do you feel?" she asked him gently.

"Like someone who's just been crushed by a car. Who else is you there?"

"Whoever you want."

"You chose work over love," he said suddenly.

"I did."

"Did you regret it?"

"Sometimes. It wasn't all bad. I loved my job, I was completely dedicated to it."

"But you loved Gibbs as well."

"I had feelings for him, yes."

"Have you ever thought what your life would look like if you chose him?"

"Yes. My life, or the years I had left, would have been great. But I couldn't be an NCIS director. I think I can say I was a good one. But if I hadn't been an NCIS director, I wouldn't have sent for Ziva. You two wouldn't have met."

"You brought her into my life," he realized.

"I did."

"Thank you, Jenny."

"You're welcome."

"She's like you. Strong, independent, stubborn."

"But she's not aspiring to be a director."

"Thank God. Can you imagine that?" he tried to laugh, but it hurt.

"You have to do something, Tony. It's torturing both of you."

"I don't know what to do," he admitted.

She gave him a smile and touched his hand. "You're just scared. I know that. I was scared too."

"What if she...?"

"Then you will know. But nothing hurts as much as not knowing."

"I've seen it in her eyes. Before the crash. It was there. For a second I thought,... You must think I'm a stupid jerk."

"I think you are a man who is scared to move on. But you want to move on. "

"It's time to move on."

"Then make a move."

_I'm not entirely sure it's worth dying over._

_Nothing is inevitable._

_I couldn't live without you, I guess._

_Cherish each other, every day. That's all I'm saying._

_At lo levad._

_Then I should catch her before she leaves. You know, thank her._

_Ziva._

_**...**_

It was about half past two. She couldn't sleep. Gibbs and Abby talking to McGee and Ducky somewhere and she felt alone. All she could think of was Tony. She still felt his hand touching hers, she saw his eyes looking at her with admiration. With love.

The doctor said he was stable. Stable. So he will make it.

At that moment, nothing else mattered.

She almost lost him. It felt like her heart stooped each time this crossed her mind.

**...**

About an hour later she got up from the bed. She had to see him. She had to be near him.

She almost started crying when she walked into his room and looked at him. His face was bruised and so were his hands. Her head was killing her, but the pain of seeing him like that was much worse. She touched his face, kissed him on the forehead and then sat on the chair next to the bed.

_Tony._

She fell asleep there, holding his hand. It was Gibbs who woke her up.

"It is my fault," she whispered.

"It's not your fault, Ziva."

"I distracted him."

"The guy went through red light. Don't blame yourself."

"He saved me."

"I would backslap him if he didn't," he tried to cheer her up. "He's gonna be fine."

"Do we know who wanted to kill us?"

"Actually, we do."

"Who?"

Gibbs took a moment, wondering if he should tell her. "Mossad."

"Orli?"

"Maybe. Or Yaniv."

"How much did you get out of him?"

"Not much, so far."

"Can I talk to him?"

"Ziva... You should rest."

She shook her head. "I am going to find whoever is behind this. And I am going to put a bullet into their heads for what they did to us."

"You'll have your chance."

"I can't just sit here and do nothing. They killed my father. They hurt Tony." She didn't mean to say the latter out loud. "I would want revenge if any of you were hurt."

"I know, Ziva."

She felt Tony's hand moved in hers.

"Gibbs, I think he is waking up."

Tony made a painful sound and opened his eyes a bit.

"Tony?" she squeezed his hand.

"Zee." It hurt when he breathed in.

"DiNozzo?"

Tony took a deeper breath, his face twisted with pain. "Boss. Where are the diamonds?"

Gibbs laughed. "We got our hands on them, don't worry."

"I think I'll need one," Tony mumbled and then he smiled.

"What did you say?" Ziva leaned to him.

"I've never been so happy to see you," he squeezed her hand back and intertwined his fingers with hers. "You too, boss," he added, when he saw Gibbs' face.

"I'm gonna tell Abby," he said and left the room, letting the two have their moment.

When he shut the door, he smiled as he was reaching for his phone. He's always hoped Tony would break rule number twelve with Ziva.


	2. Ziva's head

**Firstly, I want to thank all of you who send me a review on the previous chapter!**

**Wow, I didn't expect so many people would read it and like it!**

**It makes me really happy and it actually made me write another chapter. Someone requested Ziva's POV, so here it is. I hope you'll like it.**

* * *

She was standing by the window in her dark hospital room in a complete silence.

It was raining heavily outside. It was the perfect atmosphere for contemplation.

She felt old, like she's been alive for more than hundred years. So many things have happened.

She was tired. Tired of how her life was complicated, tired of mourning, tired of being angry and in pursuit of vengeance.

That was not the life she wanted. Nobody would want that life. At least no one sane.

She never had to deal with so many emotions when she was in Mossad. They sent her on a mission, usually to kill somebody. She travelled all over the world and made Israel's enemies disappear. She did it because she believed it was right, and she was proud of herself.

This was different. She was on a mission to kill another one of Israel's enemies, but he wasn't a threat to her native land only. He harmed people she cared about.

This was different because she cared. And every time she started caring, she lost somebody.

.

_The ones who get too close, always end up dead._

_._

Tali. Her beloved, beautiful and talented sister. She missed her so much. She felt tears in her eyes when she recalled all the plans they made.

Her mother.

Her father. A complicated man, but still a beloved father, who taught her many things. The only family she had left, who died right after they had an argument.

.

_Your sins are too great._

.

Tears were streaming down her face just like raindrops on the windowpane.

.

She killed her brother. The boy she played with when they were children. He taught her to shoot only to get shot by her a few years later. She felt like a monster.

.

Her family was dead. It was just her, fighting against the world, hoping she could reach peace of mind by getting revenge. But she was slowly losing her strength. She couldn't win this war alone.

.

It was like getting a new chance when she came to NCIS. She could start over.

She admired Gibbs for his courage, determination and dignity. He was like a father to her. He understood her, but what was more important, he believed in her. He believed than she's more than an emotionless killer.

She admired Ducky for his wisdom, and for his memory. Every time she talked to him, she learned something new. He always tried to see the best in people.

She admired Abby for her brains, for the way she expressed emotions and for her sincerity. Abby never pretended to be someone she wasn't, and she never judged her.

When she met Timothy, he was like a little boy among adults. But he has become so mature over the years; he was a man now, a handsome man, a brave agent and a loyal friend. When she approached him to help her find Bodnar, he said: "I know a perfect place where we can meet." He seemed almost excited and he was proud she asked _him_.

She couldn't ask Tony. He's done enough for her and she felt she owes him too much already.

.

She was scared. The only two things she had left in her life were her job and the team. She put them both in jeopardy now and she was scared of losing them. If she lost them, she would have nothing left. Nothing to life for, nothing to die for.

.

The rain didn't seem to stop any time soon. She looked down and saw an ambulance. Then she touched the bruise on her temple. The crash. Their hands. The diamonds. Berlin.

She was overwhelmed by a sudden flood of various emotions and thoughts. It was probably because of the concussion, but her head started to hurt a bit more.

She always found Tony attractive and witty. From the first day they met, there has been something between them, which made her enjoy working with him.

He was a good detective, and he always lightened up the atmosphere with his laugh and with one of his inappropriate jokes. Sometimes, it was driving her mad that he behaved like a child, but at the end of the day, she knew he's a professional and that she can always rely on him.

He had this ability to give her strength when she was losing it. He always tried to make her smile when she was feeling down. He always had her back. Hell, he went to Somalia and risked his life just to avenge her death.

.

_Couldn't live without you, I guess._

.

Romantically dysfunctional. Yeah, that pretty much sums up how she felt. It was easy with Rivkin; she knew it wouldn't last forever, so she didn't have to be so cautious. Ray was...Ray. She thought she found something real, that they could have something permanent. But he always put his job first. Tony, however, was able to throw his career away just to help her.

.

_You jeopardized you entire career, and for what?_

_For you._

.

She knew he had feelings for her, although she wasn't sure how strong they were. He cared for her, a lot more than a co-worker should. She saw it in his eyes many times, but it was never so obvious as it was in Berlin and in the car before the crash. That moment was so intense and so beautiful it almost made her cry every time when she came back in it in her memories.

It was just the two of them.

No one has ever looked at her like that.

No one has ever held her hand like that.

.

_Tony..._

.

She wanted to thank him for being so great and supportive. Actually, she wanted to thank him for _being_.

.

Before the crash, she never seriously considered getting closer to him, emotionally. She admired him, and loved him, but the job, the opportunity to work with these people, was something she didn't want to jeopardize.

Then the crash happened and it changed something. She almost lost him there. And that has changed everything. She's lost enough. Maybe it was time to be happy. Maybe it was time to be a bit selfish and take the step, not thinking about possible consequences.

Then there was the fear. Fear of losing a dear friend if things don't work out. Fear of losing Gibbs' respect. Fear of losing the job. Was pursuing her emotions worth it? Could she go all in just to find out if she and Tony could work?

.

As she was looking out the window, thinking of her father, Tali, Somalia, Berlin and other things, she realized she could.

There were many scars on her heart. She killed many people and she got hurt many times.

But Tony made her pain go away. He made her feel like a better person. Her past was dark and painful, but no one said her future has to be like that too. He could be her future.

.

This was it. This was her chance to make a change in her life and break the circle of pain.

It was almost like the crash opened her eyes.

.

There was only one Tony in the world. If she lost him, she would lose a piece of herself too.

They've wasted enough time dancing around each other.

.

That was it. That was the moment Ziva reconciled with her inner demons and decided to fight.

.

**The next time he takes her hand, she won't let go. She will never let go.**


End file.
